I know you are not doing well,

Suicidal thoughts linger in your mind at day time and at night they dwell,

You feel unwell,

Like you have been gripped by a spell,

 

Hikes and movie nights no longer excite you, you feel queasy when you think of how easy it is for your peers to bully you and for your parents to abuse you,

 

You are in a state of doom, you would rather lock yourself in a room,

Thinking of the many ways to kill a rat,

The only difference this time is that the rat will be spared and you will be snared.

 

Besides a failed attempt of suicide,

Just as an infant cling to its mother’s breasts, this is the fate you decide,

The weight of childhood trauma and depression keeps triggering the thought of getting that gun in your dad's drawer and pulling the trigger.

 

After all, hanging yourself didn't do the trick,

Because your mum saw you and rescued you quick,

All you want is to die painlessly,

You know, close your eyes slowly as a clock's tick,

 

You shove off the idea of overdosing on your anti-depressants or jumping of a building because the imaginative anguish makes you wish for life even more.

 

You close your eyes and purse your lips, followed by a shrill and you curse the thought of wanting to give up on life,

 

Suddenly, you recall that mantra your therapist keeps chanting for you. "you are enough and you will get through this. "

So you start counting your blessings and stop doubting yourself.

 

You just let go of the thought to put an end to your own life,

You, yes you I'm really proud of you.

 

@keyshie poet