Toxic Relationships

 

SIGNS YOU ARE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

Belittling. Toxic partners want to take complete control of your life and downplay your achievements. They will try to make your success insignificant and may not even want to talk about significant events or accomplishments in your life.

Love bombing. Toxic partners hurt you, and when you are in your lowest ebb, they will shower you with love and comfort you. They may even distance you from your friends and relatives so that you can only seek comfort from them when you are hurt. However, this is only for a shorter period before they break you again, which becomes a predictable pattern.

Enmeshment. It refers to a relationship where boundaries are unclear or permeable. People in an enmeshed relationship often lose their emotional identity and autonomy. Your happiness and self-esteem depend on the relationship. A symbiotic relationship in terms of emotions where you feel sad when your partner is sad. An enmeshed relationship is like two plants that have become entangled with the same root, and with time they will be unable to grow. Setting healthy boundaries, mutual respect, and allowing independence are critical steps to a healthy relationship. Although this can be hard to do, it is only for your good and your future relationship.

Codependence. While it is good to love spending time with your partner, it is valuable to give each other space and time to spend outside relationships. Changing your personality, friends, or things you used to love doing, is a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. A healthy space to grow and explore your goals is essential in a healthy relationship. Codependence can make you unable to make even simple decisions in your life, like what to wear or eat without consulting your partner.

Gaslighting. It refers to psychologically manipulating someone such that they question their sanity. Narcissists mostly use it to gain power and control over the victim. When your partner hurts you and you express your feelings to them and invalidate your feelings or say that you are too sensible, that is a sign of gaslighting. Do you always feel the need to record your conversations because they will deny that ever happened? Well, you are probably being gaslighted. Even when you confront them with the recorded conversation, they will say that you are petty.

Blaming. Toxic partners will never take responsibility for their own mistakes. They are always right and will take you to the cause of all problems in their lives.

Manipulation. Toxic partners are excellent manipulators. They will tell you things about yourself that can be mean, such as you are not lovable, and as they say proximity in power, your belief system starts to change, and you start believing the things they tell you. Manipulators will try to gain control of your life by doing things they think are 'best for you'.

Deflecting. Toxic partners will find a way to remind you of the awful things you did in the past when you confront them with something that you need to discuss. They treat everything with aggression as if it is an attack. Do you find yourself agonizing over the 'right' words to use when you want to confront your partner? Always remember that human is to err. Positive criticism is essential for a relationship to be healthy. You can never be perfect as a human being, and also, don't expect perfectionism from your partner.

Stonewalling. Refusing to communicate with your partner amid an argument is called stonewalling. It is harmful to relationships, and it differs significantly from asking for space. It involves avoiding eye contact with your partner, refusing to respond to questions, and storming out during arguments. Stonewalling can be unintentional or intentional. People may use stonewalling as a coping mechanism to deal with high tense situations to avoid disputes or fights. On the other hand, intentional stonewalling can be a form of emotional abuse used to inflict punishment or gain control in a relationship.

Walking on eggshells. Toxic people tend to use emotional outbursts to control their partners. The victim may feel uneasy and careful with which words to use so as not to upset their partner. They make a mountain out of a molehill which might make the partner doubt their character around them.

Smear campaigns. Toxic partners will try to fabricate stories or use your deepened wounds to turn people against you.

What are the symptoms that you could be in a toxic relationship?

Decreased energy levels

Anxiety symptoms

Depressive symptoms

Inability to trust people

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Research shows that, on average, victims of a toxic relationship try seven times to leave before leaving for good.

How to heal from a toxic relationship

Acknowledge the abuse that happened. Being gaslit and manipulated can make us believe in the things that the toxic partner kept on telling us were terrible people and unlovable. Journaling can help us to remember and process traumatic experiences. Strong social support and therapy can help us to surround ourselves with people who have our best interest at heart and who validate our feelings.

Recognize and break past relationship patterns. Learning about patterns in your past relationships, which could be the constant need to be approved, setting boundaries, and ignoring the red flags in a relationship, can help you be self-aware and learn from your past relationships.

Grief. Allow yourself to process the loss and grief. It is entirely normal to miss the toxic partner after a heartbreak but always remember why you made the decision to end the relationship. Allowing yourself to go through the stages of grief and acknowledging the loss without blaming yourself for what happened can help you to heal from the toxic relationship.

Reclaim yourself. Toxic relationships leave you confused and questioning your thoughts, memories, and sanity. Embarking on a journey of self-awareness and making small decisions for yourself without waiting for approval from anyone can come a long way in helping you to heal.

Cut ties. While they say that it is easier said than done, cutting any links with a toxic partner can help you heal and enhance your self-awareness. Always remember you need to love yourself first before you can love others.

Trauma therapy. Toxic relationships, especially narcissistic relationships, can leave you traumatized. Trauma-informed treatment can help you to heal.